


Hit Me Baby One More Time

by cultivationtrash (writing_in_the_dark)



Category: Gintama
Genre: Alternate Universe - Not K-Pop Idols, Attempt at Humor, Crossdressing, Fluff, Gintoki is a canon S so maybe the second one is obvious, Hints at Paako being an S, Hints at Tosshi being an M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-22
Updated: 2020-05-22
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:01:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24315478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writing_in_the_dark/pseuds/cultivationtrash
Summary: Sixteen-year-old anime otaku Tosshi falls in love with pop idol Paako the first time he sees her on his TV. He gives up anime to follow her and stays a huge fan well into adulthood, until real life causes him to be too busy to follow her career like he used to. His interest is rekindled by a visit to a karaoke bar and a silver-haired man's stangely Paako-like performance of one of Paako's songs.
Relationships: Hijikata Toshirou/Sakata Gintoki
Comments: 7
Kudos: 40





	Hit Me Baby One More Time

**Author's Note:**

> Written for GinHiji Week 2020 – Day 2 Prompt: Pop Idol. Paako’s songs and style shamelessly stolen from Britney Spears. Cross-posted from tumblr (originally under the incredibly creative title "Untitled Gintama Pop Idol AU fic").

Tosshi was sixteen years old the first time he saw her. The girl of his dreams was on his television, her mousey brown hair in pigtail braids, wearing a sexy schoolgirl outfit, with an unbuttoned collared shirt tied just above her belly-button, a gray sweater, a dark pleated skirt, and gray thigh-high stockings. As she danced down the hallway of her school with a group of her friends, it was as though she was singing directly to him:

_My loneliness is killing me (and I)  
I must confess I still believe (still believe)  
When I’m not with you I lose my mind  
Give me a sign  
Hit me baby one more time_

As a self-professed anime otaku, he had always disdained idol otaku. He thought they were deluded to think a real-life idol would ever fall in love with them. To him, that made even less sense than loving a 2-D girl. At least he was aware the manga and anime girls he loved would never love him back.

Falling for this new pop idol upended his entire otaku belief system. He gave up his anime to follow her exclusively.

A year later, pop’s golden girl Paako had a new album on the way, and Tosshi was the secretary of the local chapter of her fan club. He nearly fainted when she appeared on his television screen again, looking a little more grown up than last time he saw her. She turned her brown eyes toward him and sang:

_Oops, I did it again  
I played with your heart  
Got lost in the game  
Oh baby, baby  
Oops, you think I’m in love  
That I’m sent from above  
I’m not that innocent_

“ _Heh-heh_ ,” he giggled shyly to no one, “You are sent from above, Paako-chan.”

Looking around to make sure no one was watching, he crawled forward on hands and knees and kissed the TV screen.

The year Tosshi graduated from high school, the best present he received was another album from Paako. Watching her latest music video, he could tell she had broken out of her “little girl” shell and become a full-fledged woman. It went straight to his groin when he heard her sing:

_I’m a slave for you  
I cannot hold it, I cannot control it  
I’m a slave for you  
I won’t deny it, I’m not trying to hide it_

He jerked off like any healthy boy, but ever since he gave up anime, he hadn’t had much in the way of fantasies to go along with his meat-spanking sessions. This newer, sexier Paako changed that. He came moaning her name at least once a day.

The undisputed hit from Paako’s fourth album came with a music video that was so sexy, it nearly stopped Tosshi’s heart from beating. Paako had her long, flowing, dyed-blonde hair down and was wearing almost nothing – just a sheer, sparkly bodysuit. The way she moved made him crazy. She was so flexible. The fantasies he used for beating one out vastly improved in quality as he pictured her writhing and moaning beneath him while whispering her lyrics to him:

_Oh, the taste of your lips  
I’m on a ride  
You’re toxic, I’m slipping under  
With a taste of a poison paradise  
I’m addicted to you  
Don’t you know that you’re toxic?_

Three years passed with no new music from Paako. Rumors were rampant that she had become unhinged, kissing other girls and participating in fleeting marriages. Tosshi didn’t pay heed to such things. In his heart, Paako was perfect, no matter what she did or what anyone said or thought about her.

The new music she finally came out with after a string of scandals was worth the wait. Tosshi cheered her on as she lashed out at critics via scathing lyrics:

_I’m Mrs. Lifestyles of the rich and famous  
(You want a piece of me)  
I’m Mrs. Oh my God, that Paako’s shameless  
(You want a piece of me)  
I’m Mrs. Extra! Extra! This just in  
(You want a piece of me)  
I’m Mrs. She’s too big, now she’s too thin  
(You want a piece of me)_

Just when he thought she couldn’t get any sexier, Paako dropped her sixth album. The title song was his new favorite:

_All eyes on me in the center of the ring  
Just like a circus  
When I crack that whip, everybody gon’ trip  
Just like a circus  
Don’t stand there watching me, follow me  
Show me what you can do  
Everybody let go, we can make a dance floor  
Just like a circus_

The moment he saw the music video, with her wearing revealing outfits and threatening to crack a whip on him, his fantasies about her changed. He no longer dominated her; she dominated him. And he loved it.

By the time Paako’s seventh album came out, she was nearly thirty, and so was Tosshi. He was still a huge fan, still bought all her music and attended her concerts, but he found that being too outspoken about his love of her was hurting his career. He was a cop, with the possibility to move up in the ranks quickly, and he didn’t want to threaten his future opportunities. These days, he only talked about her anonymously in chat rooms and only listened to her music when he was at home alone. In just boxers and socks, he danced around his apartment with abandon, just like she told him to:

_See that sunlight, we ain’t stoppin’  
Keep on dancin’ till the world ends  
If you feel it, let it happen  
Keep on dancin’ till the world ends_

Two years later, Tosshi had been promoted to Vice Chief of the police force. His job kept him incredibly busy. Even when he wasn’t working, he was too preoccupied to devote any time to his love of Paako.

Unlike her seventh album, her eighth album came out to little fanfare. Sure, he listened to it, but he found that it lacked something. It just didn’t speak to him.

He was nearly thirty-five when her ninth album was released. He was busy with work and basically over being an idol otaku. He didn’t listen to any of the new songs until months after they came out. He was disappointed to find that the music didn’t do much for him. It seemed the idol otaku in him was dead.

\-------------------------

About a year later, Tosshi went out to a karaoke bar with his workmates one night. He wasn’t having much fun listening to drunk salarymen slaughter K-pop or the anime theme songs he loved long, long ago. He leaned back and tried to disappear into the recesses of the semi-circular booth he and his workmates were in.

His ears perked up when a man stepped onto the stage and began singing one of Paako’s lesser-known songs. The silver-haired man sang the song perfectly, hitting every note and getting every lyric right, without even looking at the screen. He also did Paako’s sexy dance moves from the music video. Tosshi’s attention was zeroed in on the man on stage. It was clearly a _man_ on the stage, but he somehow embodied everything Tosshi had always loved about Paako as he sang:

_One, two, three  
Not only you and me  
Got one-eighty degrees  
And I’m caught in between  
Countin’  
One, two, three  
Peter, Paul, and Mary  
Gettin’ down with 3P  
Everybody loves me_

The man finished his song, to plenty of applause from the drunk bar patrons. Tosshi asked his workmates to let him out of the booth, claiming he needed to take a piss. He found where the man was sitting, at a small table off to the side, with a woman sitting on his lap. He found the courage to approach and said, “Hi. I just wanted to let you know that I used to be a huge Paako fan. You did an amazing job with her song and dance moves.”

“Oh, thanks,” the man said, unceremoniously dumping his companion on her ass on the floor and telling her, “Scram!” before gesturing the other chair at the table and offering to Tosshi, “Would you like to join me? I was just about to order another round.”

“Gin-san!” the woman wailed. When he completely ignored her, she wailed more. “Gin-saaaan! Step on me! Pleeeease!!!”

The man caught the waiter’s attention and ordered two fresh beers. He then extended a hand across the table and said, “As you may have figured out, my name contains ‘Gin.’ I’m Gintoki.”

Tosshi’s eyes made contact with Gintoki’s striking crimson eyes. He shook his hand and introduced himself. “Good to meet you, Gintoki-san. I’m Tosshi.”

The man held a hand up. “No honorifics, please. Just Gintoki.”

“All right. Just Tosshi is fine for me.” Tosshi was pleasantly surprised by how personable this guy was. He was also surprised by how deep Gintoki’s voice was. While singing, he could almost pass for Paako, but his speaking voice was far too manly to be mistaken for a woman’s. As the waiter brought their drinks, he started the conversation. “So, you like Paako’s music too?”

“Hmm, yeah. You could say that,” Gintoki answered noncommittally. “You look a little older than the average Paako fan.”

Tosshi blushed. “Yeah, I suppose. She and I are only a few months apart in age. I’ve been a fan since her first single came out.” He laughs nervously and admits, “I was president of the Japan branch of her fan club back in college.”

“Ohhh?” Gintoki raised his eyebrows, then he acted bashful, hiding a blush by taking a big swig of beer. He swallowed and set his mug down. Watching his finger draw circles in the condensation on the table, he asked, “You said you ‘used to be’ a big Paako fan. Does that mean you’re not anymore?”

Tosshi would have been lying if he said he was not a fan at all, but he was usually too busy for anything aside from working or sleeping. He thought if it wasn’t for his heavy work responsibilities, he would still be an active fan, at least of her older music. Seeing one of her songs performed so well tonight stirred up his old feelings for her. He answered, “I’m still a fan.”

Gintoki took another swig of beer, then he said, “The reason I know Paako’s music so well is that I actually know her. We, we’re,” he suddenly started tripping over his words, “We’re actually roommates. Would, uh, would you like to meet her?”

Tosshi set his beer mug down more heavily than he meant to. Wide-eyed, he leaned forward and asked, “Really? Are you serious? That’s awesome! I would love to meet her!”

Gintoki smiled charmingly, and Tosshi’s nostalgia kicked up a notch. Once he started thinking about Paako again, it seemed everything was reminding him of her, even the smile of a random guy he met at a karaoke bar.

They both polished off their drinks and stood up. On the way toward the door, Gintoki intentionally stepped squarely on the stomach of his female companion, who was still lying on the floor where he had dropped her. Tosshi thought for a second that he might have to intervene in a domestic violence case, but the woman blissfully writhed and squealed, “Thank you, Gin-san!!”

Tosshi let his workmates know he was going home for the evening, and then he followed Gintoki to his house. It was a large, very nice house, well out of Tosshi’s price range, as expected from Paako.

“Have a seat,” Gintoki said, gesturing toward the couch. “Would you like something to drink?”

“No, thanks.” Tosshi was too keyed-up to drink anything.

“I’ll go get her,” Gintoki said, heading up the stairs.

Tosshi thought he might die before Paako came down the stairs. He was about to meet his favorite pop idol. He was about to meet perhaps the only woman he had ever loved. He wrung his hands nervously, fingers itching for a cigarette.

Several minutes later, Paako walked down the stairs in a short, black, ruffled skirt, white leather jacket, pink, orange, black and white mid-calf socks, and metal-spike-covered black boots. Tosshi recognized the clothes as Paako’s from the _I Wanna Go_ music video. The person who just walked down the stairs was Paako but wasn’t. It was clearly the man Tosshi came here with, but it was also clearly Paako. Tosshi was extremely confused.

Smiling sheepishly, Gintoki held his hands out at his sides and said, “Not quite what you were hoping for, right?”

Tosshi swallowed hard. This seemed like a precarious situation, and he wasn’t sure what he should say. “You- You’re Paako?”

“In the flesh.”

It seemed like a stupid question, but Tosshi couldn’t think of any other question to ask. “You’re a guy?”

“Since the day I was born.”

“But… But you were a girl…” Tosshi tried to talk himself through what might be going on. “You were small and cute. You wore little skirts and stuff… How…?”

Gintoki sat on the ottoman adjacent to Tosshi. “I was eleven years old when I was first scouted for TV.”

“I know.” Of course, the former president of Paako’s fan club would know when she got her big break.

“I was scouted because I was small and cute. I looked like a girl. All they had to do was throw a wig, colored contacts, and makeup on me, and I became Paako.”

The explanation shook Tosshi’s world, but it made sense. It at least covered how a guy was able to get by as Paako as a youth, but once he became an adult, it should have been obvious he was a guy. “What about when you grew up? I mean, you weren’t wearing much in some of those music videos… Did they replace you with a stand-in?”

“No. That was me. You’d be astonished by how little of what you see on TV or in magazines is as it appears.”

They both sat silently for a couple minutes while Tosshi digested this new information. Ultimately, he determined everything he ever thought about Paako was real. To his surprise, finding out Paako was a guy didn’t disrupt his feelings for Paako at all. He spoke up with, “Well, knowing you did everything you did as a guy makes it that much more impressive.” He looked at Gintoki, smiled, and said, “Thank you for letting me meet my idol.”

Gintoki gave a relieved smile. “You’re welcome. Can I tell you something else? Do you promise to not be too freaked out?” Tosshi nodded in agreement, and Gintoki said, “I remember you from when you were president of my fan club. We never met, but I saw you at my concerts. You were so enthusiastic and happy, and it was because of me. Remembering it years later, once it started getting difficult for me to pass as a girl, it gave me motivation to keep my career going. Honestly, I had a crush on you back then.”

Tosshi was surprised, both by the confession and by the way he wasn’t disgusted by it. He laughed under his breath nervously. “I obviously had a crush on you too.”

“What about now? What if I said I would like to spend more time with you?”

Tosshi blushed and nodded.

Gintoki grinned.

Tosshi had a sudden thought. “Do you have all the props from Paako’s music videos and concerts?”

“Of course.” Gintoki took advantage of the opportunity, asking, “Do- Do you want to come upstairs and see them?”

Tosshi involuntarily jumped up from the couch and enthusiastically exclaimed, “Yes! I would love to!”

Gintoki laughed. “You really are a superfan, aren’t you?”

“Sh- shut up!” It had been a long time since Tosshi geeked out this hard, and he was embarrassed.

As they walked up the stairs, Gintoki asked, “What would you like to see first?”

“Hmm. Do you still have the whip from the _Circus_ music video?”

“Yep,” Gintoki answered. He then sang some of the song’s lyrics:

_There’s only two types of guys out there_   
_Ones that can hang with me_   
_And ones that are scared_

“Which type of guy are you, Tosshi?” Gintoki asked, with a wink.

Tosshi blushed and answered quietly, “That’s for you to find out, isn’t it?”

**Author's Note:**

> So… Tosshi is definitely an M, and Pa-, er, Gintoki is definitely an S, right?


End file.
